Video shoot #4 #BeBadHipHop

I believe that 2014/2015 is THE year for #BeBadHipHop!  I just want to thank all of you who have supported me, helped me, given to me (time, work, smiles, hugs, encouragement, etc).  And most of all I want to than YOU for BELIEVING in me!

Why me? Why not?

I believe... everything happens for a reason.  We may not be able to figure out the "why" while we are in a moment of despair, but eventually we can look back on it and see the reasoning.  My moment of despair came this morning when I found out my recovery for knee surgery will take approximately a year!

This past week I attended a funeral to honor my high school cheerleading coach, Lesa Ward.  Lesa had fought cancer for a few years and after a long battle she said goodbye to her family and friends last Thursday.  She was an amazing, self-less woman who gave her life as an educator to children of all ages.  She dedicated her life helping others by serving in public education as a high school counselor, middle school principal and superintendent for Blackwell, OK.  Blackwell schools closed on the day of her funeral to honor her life.

A family friend delivered the Remembrance and his stories were so "Lesa", yet so self-applicable.  When learning of her cancer (stage 4 ovarian) he asked her, "Why you?"  Lesa, replied, "Why not?"  Lesa's attitude will carry me through my own life over this next year.

Recently, I injured my knee.  I've known for quite some time that I am looking at surgery.  Up until attending this funeral to honor a beautiful life lost, I have been asking myself, "Why me?"  The timing couldn't be worse!  I just signed a contract to market my business, record choreography and get ready to expand Be Bad Hip Hop BIG TIME! "Why me?"  I can't follow through with my commitments and plans with a torn up knee!  "Why me?"

How selfish of me to worry about a torn knee when Lesa was fighting for her life and worrying about her family's wellbeing in her absence.  I can't workout, dance, teach, or choreograph for a year.  A year. I know there is a reason.  I don't know what it is now, but someday I will.  And when a year has gone by and my knee is stronger, I will still dance.

"I'm in a win/win situation", Lesa said.  "If God heals me and I have many more years of life with my family, I win.  If he decides to take me, I still win."  WOW!  Talk about a positive attitude!  I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself because I can't dance for a year and Lesa has a positive attitude facing death!  Be strong, Gwenda.  Stop being a pansy.  You are a BAD ASS.  Stop feeling sorry for yourself.  You will get through this.  Love life every day.  Attitude is everything.

Why me?  Why not?  We are all prone to disappointment, loss, injury, and death.  Our attitude in how we handle life's situations will determine the value of our life.  You can't change your fate, but you can change your attitude.  Make it a positive one!

Leap of Faith

I believe... taking a leap of faith is frightening.  It's risky.  It's diving into the unknown.  You drown yourself in "what if's?"  Faith is defined as a strong belief or trust in something or someone.  Leap or not to leap- that is the question.

Jump and you will find out how to unfold your wings as you fall.

Recently I took a huge leap of faith.  I am trying to grow a business and fulfill a dream.  Be Bad Hip Hop is my own dance fitness format that I created out of a passion for dance and several "you should's" from students and dear friends.  After three and a half years of momentum at a turtle's pace, and long discussions with my supportive husband, I decided its time.  Leap!  So, this past Saturday I signed a contract to launch a national marketing campaign.  The investment is huge monetarily and I'm scared to death.  What if is doesn't work?  What if no body likes it?  What if I go broke and don't see a return on investment?  What if?  What if? What if?

We will be faced with many difficult decisions in life that calls for a leap of faith.  Some decisions are big and some are small. Take a new job offer. Divorce.  Move. Going on a blind date. I believe... it all comes down to trusting yourself.  You have to trust yourself that you will be ok no matter what the end results are.  You may be devastated. You may be ecstatic.  But will you be ok?

I know in my head and heart the answer is yes for me.  It's always yes.  I'm surrounded by a loving, supportive family and friends and my faith in God assures me I will be ok.

Have you been struggling with a difficult decision?  Leap or not to leap- ask yourself "will I be ok?"

2014 Here we go!

I believe... I can do this.  I can blog.  Why do I want to blog?  I have a lot of stuff in my head and in my heart and Facebook posts just don't let me get it all out.  

Those of you who know me, know I like to talk.  I always have a lot to say.  When my mom used to go to my parent teacher conferences the teacher would say, "She likes to talk!  I moved her to a new spot, but she just made new friends and kept on talking." 

My friend circle continues to grow and expand geographically as I am now living in my sixth state in 14 years of marriage thanks to my position as "military wife".  No complaints, but its impossible to chat at length with everyone.  I'm hoping this blog can keep family and friends updated on my life as well as inspire, motivate and help others realize they are not alone.  I believe... everything happens for a reason as God plans.  I believe...by sharing my life experiences and expertise as a fitness professional I can help others and I can make a difference.  

If I can make a difference in YOUR life, than I have accomplished what I'm setting out to do.  It's my way of thanking those who make a difference in my life!

For most of you 2014 New Year's resolution kick off was January 1st, five days ago.  My kick off starts tomorrow when we are all back on our normal schedules.  There are several things on my list, but I made a top 10.  Blogging is one of them and what makes me laugh at myself is that this was my resolution for 2013.  I did really well through March, and then, well...I believe...you could categorize me with the other 92% of our population who fail to follow through!  Only 8% of people who make New Year's resolutions stick to them!  

So, maybe together we can motivate, encourage and remind each other to accomplish our goals for 2014!  What do you say?  Do YOU believe we can do it?!  I believe... we can! 

When in doubt...

¹doubt

 verb \ˈdau̇t\

transitive verb

1

archaic

a : fear

b : suspect

2

: to be in doubt about <he doubts everyone's word>

3

a : to lack confidence in : distrust <find myself doubting him even when I know that he is honest — H. L. Mencken>

b : to consider unlikely <I doubt if I can go>

We have it every day about something, someone, an emotion, a decision we have to make.  How do we get past this doubt that creeps into our life constantly?  Do we trust our gut? our heart? our friend's advice? Our U.S. currency says, "In God We Trust".  The latter is probably the best choice when it comes to BIG things.  But what about the little things?  Like Skinny Wraps!  Cross Fit!  Aging Cream!  Energy Drinks!  Are they fads?  Do you REALLY get results or is is just a scam?

Friends, if there is one thing I've learned in the past years of my crazy 100mph life, it is dont' stress over the little things!  When in doubt- TRY IT!  What's worse, the annoyance of doubt that lingers in your head and gut, causing you to wonder if your are missing out on something that everyone else is enjoying?  OR the pain of taking the step of CHANGE- try it and finding out it doesn't work for you.  Nothing lost, nothing gained, but you don't bask in doubt anymore.  It's really that simple.  Worse case scenario, you wrap and don't get results.  You try cross-fit and you don't like it.  You smear aging cream on your face and still have age spots.  Or you drink 8 oz of orange flavored "energy" and you don't feel energetic.  No more questions.  You just got the answer all by yourself!  Why are we so skeptical?  We naturally resist change and we could be missing out on something that could improve our health, make us happy, or make life easier and more enjoyable.  I'll opt for positive changes any day any time!  

It's ok to be the blue fish.  But, be the blue fish because you tried something new and it wasn't for you.  Don't be the blue fish because you are the only one who has resisted a SMALL option in life that everyone else seems to be enjoying!  

We have to make so many decisions on a daily basis.  Some are life changing that effect a lot of factors- our family, our friends, our job, our income.  Other decisions are tiny tiny tiny.  This blog is about the tiny stuff.  For the BIG stuff go with the USA currency suggestion! 

I'd love to hear from you!  Are you a blue fish because of doubt?  

There is doubt and there is truth.  Discover it! 

G

Disappointment

Life is full of disappointments.  When we think about disappointment we generally go to an experience where someone, or something has created disappointment for us.  We go through emotions of anger, sadness, and possibly regret.  Disappointment is a moment (or several) in time where we have to adjust to the realization that our expectations were not met. 

Disappointments can be BIG: interviewing for a job and not getting the position, a break up in a relationship, our children breaking the rules, preparing for a competition or performance and bombing it, or stepping on the scale after a week of serious dieting to see the scale hasn't moved.

Disappointments can be SMALL: the movie or book didn't end the way you hoped, the food at a restaurant you just ate wasn't very tasty or the new pair of shoes you just bought hurts your feet.


We eventually get over our daily disappointments as time heals all wounds.  Some of us dwell on these let downs a little longer than others, but it does pass.

I want to share another kind of disappointment, one that truly affected me this past week.  How about being the one responsible for inflicting disappointment on another?  This hit me hard and took much more time, thought and effort to accept and get past.

I've been working for 24 Hour Fitness for 4 years now as a Group Fitness Instructor.  I take my job seriously and am passionate about each and every 60 minutes I deliver to my students.  This past Monday, I forgot about a class I was supposed to sub.  I was a no-show!  In 4 years I have NEVER made this mistake.  My manager calls me 15 minutes after the class was supposed to have started to inquire my where abouts.  I was completely honest with her and told her I had failed to record the class on my calendar.  She called the gym manager back to officially cancel the class.  A trickle of disappointment occurred from my fitness manager, to the club manager, to the students who showed up for a class and didn't get the workout they had planned for.

I beat myself up over my careless, irresponsible actions.  I was sick to my stomach all day.  I can't believe I did this.  This is not like me.  I worried about what actions would take place regarding my job.  I expected a harsh reprimand and a mark against me in my official file.

Hours later, after a long day of self-loathing I went to teach my regular Monday night 5:30pm Zumba class.  To my surprise my fitness manager was there.  This is not a typical Monday for her to be at this gym at this time, especially in my class.  My heart sunk, my gut wrenched, and I started breathing hard- why was she here?  I said a quick prayer that she would not release me in front of my students and take over the class then and there.

To my total astonishment, she was there to award me!  I had been chosen as the group fitness instructor of the quarter among all the instructors at several surrounding 24 Hour gyms as the Tune Belt winner for demonstrating good ethics, great instruction to my students, subbing for my peers and always being there willing to help when I can!  Always being there except earlier that day to sub for a class!  OMG, I barely got through the class and all I could think about is the irony of my no-show actions on the day I am to be rewarded for being responsible!

I spent the latter part of the evening with my husband and good friends basking in self-pity.  Each one of them told me to get over myself, that it was an honest mistake, and that I should be basking in pride for the award.

Two days later I spoke with my manager, once again groveling with apologies for my actions.  She told me that my no-show actions were NOT characteristic of my consistent professional and passionate work that I have demonstrated from the beginning and to not worry about it.  That simple.




We are our worst critic, right?  All that time I spent sick at my stomach, and worried about keeping my job over a minor infraction.  I should have known better.  Lesson learned.  We are human.  We make mistakes.  One moment in time does not define us.

Stressed OUT!

This morning I get up at 6:45am.  I was awoken by a bad dream.  One that reoccurs over and over for me.  I head down stairs to make the coffee and find last night's dinner dishes in the sink and covering the counter.  I had forgotten to run the dishwasher earlier the day before so my cycle was off for the dishware.  I begin to unload the dishwasher so I can load last night's mess.  Coffee is done.  As I'm pouring my coffee I see a drip of water coming from the cabinets above, higher, higher... the water is coming through the ceiling where I guesstimate is the kids bathtub on the 2nd floor.  Call the husband in a panic.  I get instructions to turn off the water in the garage.  My dear husband walks me through that process which turned out to be pretty easy, but stressed me out tremendously when he told me I needed to do it immediately. 

"MOM, come here quick!"  I run upstairs to find one of my boys leaning over the toilet.  "I feel like I'm going to throw up".  I stroke his back and comfort him.  The door bell rings.  It's the plumber.  I pat my boy on the head and comfort him that I'll be right back.  The plumber comes in, looks around for 5 minutes and leaves.  I get my son settled on the couch with a Disney show turned on and a bucket in is lap.  Call hubby back to give report and play 20 questions.  Hubby decides plumbers report is not adequate and needs to leave work to come home and take care of it. 

I scramble to get all of the dishes out of the cabinet in case the water damage causes it to break away from the wall.  I tell my little girl, "You won't be taking a shower this morning, go get dressed and look as clean as you can."  Time to walk out the door for school.  Nope... I have 3 lunches to pack.  Husband calls back with 20 more questions in transit on the way home with a statement that really pushes me over the edge, "you'll have to go to the gym and shower before you head to the airport". Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be at the airport in 2 hours to head home to Texas for a family funeral........As far as I'm concerned, an earthquake might as well have taken my whole house down.  These little incidents felt that BIG to me. 

Stress.  A lot of it.  I feel like I'm going to crack sometimes, more than sometimes and I'd like to run away from home.  I get head aches.  I get nausea.  I have night sweats.  I'm tired.  This is pretty typical for me.  But not near as bad as it was 18 months ago.  In August of 2011 I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD).  I never have heard of it, but I was/am a text book case. 

Stated from an article by the University of Michigan  Psychiatry department, "Generalized Anxiety Disorder occurs when you feel worried and stressed about many everyday events and activities. Often the things you are worried about are small or not important. This type of worry disrupts your life most days. Everyone gets worried or anxious sometimes, but people with generalized anxiety disorder experience more than normal everyday worries." 

Symptoms are:

• Feeling tired or irritable; having a hard time concentrating.
• Having headaches or muscle aches.
• Having a hard time swallowing.
• Feeling shaky; sweating or having hot flashes.
• Feeling light headed, sick to your stomach, or out of breath.
• Having to go to the bathroom often.
• Feeling like you can't relax; being startled easily.
• Having problems falling or staying asleep.

To read more on this article Click here.

Women are twice as likely to have this disorder as men.  If you are feeling these symptoms and have for a quite some time- GO TO YOUR DOCTOR!  Many women suffer from this problem and I'm here to tell you ladies- it's real!  GAD can be treated.  Get help if you need it and admit you have a problem if you do.  Life is so much more enjoyable and clearer when you learn how to control the stress. 

I'm happy to say kids made it to school on time with lunches.  The throw up symptoms were a false alarm for my son.  Plumbers came back to discuss with my husband man to man.  I made it to the gym for a shower.  AND, I made my flight.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is admit that we aren't well and we need help.  One of the best things to happen to me was having a medical reason why I couldn't seem to handle life.  My husband is amazing and understanding now to my sensitivities and I manage day to day by putting one foot in front of the other.  One of the biggest solutions for me was reducing the stress I could control.  There are things we stress about that we can control and things we stress about out of our control.  Don't waste time on the little things.  If you have GAD, you have to learn how to manage your stress- it can be done, but don't try to do it yourself.  Go to your Doctor and ask about GAD if you think you are suffering with this disorder.

AND most importantly know- you are not alone!

G